Guilt
by MegolasPendragon
Summary: One-shot: Eloise is the youngest Winchester. Having just escaped from Apocalypse World, she struggles with the fact she left Cas and Jack behind. Set in an alternate version of Season 13.


'No, Dean, you don't get it', Eloise said, shaking her head and picking at her fingernails.

'Help me get it then', Dean said, surprisingly gently, 'C'mon kiddo, you gotta give me something to work with here'. Eloise sighed and shook her head slightly. She was past tears and shouting, that had been the first three days since they lost Cas and Jack. Now it was day four and she was just quiet and withdrawn. She wanted to tell Dean, she really did…but how could she? How could she when it was all her fault?

'I'm sorry, Dean. I just can't'. Eloise pushed her chair back from the table and headed off back to her room. Sam walked in as she left and shot a questioning glance at Dean. Dean sighed and shook his head, spreading his hands in an 'I don't know' gesture.

'I don't know, dude,' Dean said helplessly, 'She won't tell me what's going on'.

'Me neither', Sam said, 'I mean, we're all worried about Cas and Jack, but there has to be something else for her to be this broken up about it'. Dean stared at the doorway his sister had disappeared through.

'Maybe I should go talk to her,' he said. As he started to stand, Sam put and arm out to stop him,

'No, let me go.'

Dean leaned back in his seat and his thoughts drifted to Cas. Of course, he was worried about Jack as well, but there was no point pretending he meant as much to him as Cas did. He squeezed his eyes shut and prayed, something he hadn't done for a very long time. _Cas, if you can hear me…which I'm guessing you can't but what the hell… if you can hear me, please come home. Please bring Jack home. We need you here so just… please try._

'Cas and Jack wouldn't want you feeling guilty for being home', Sam reasoned, 'And look, I know you're worried about them, but they're definitely happier that you're here and not back in 'Michael-Land' and in danger'.

Eloise broke down. She couldn't help it and before she knew it she had collapsed sobbing into Sam. His words had broken the dam. How could she not feel guilty for what she'd done? She twisted her fingers in his shirt like it was a lifeline and felt the warm hand of her brother on her back.

'I left them there', she finally confessed between quiet sobs and hiccups. Sam frowned,

'Yeah, but-'

'Cas told me to run and I did and I left them there in that terrible place and I…' she trailed off and carried on crying.

'It wasn't your fault, El', Sam said. She could feel the vibrations through his chest as he spoke.

'Yes, it is. I was a coward. If it had been you or Dean, you never would have left them. You would have fought with them'.

'What you did was instinct El, and Dean and I are so glad you came home. You can't blame yourself for-'

'What if they're dead, Sam'. _What if I never get to tell him._ Sam sighed and looked down. When he looked back at her, Eloise could see he was holding back tears. She had just asked the question that he and Dean had been trying to ignore.

'You have to stop blaming yourself. We will get them back. Until then, try and get some sleep, kiddo. Everything will look better in the morning.'

She could see it; the rift was right there. They were going to make it, they were going home. They were running. She could she Cas just in front of her and hear Jack just behind. The image faded, a group of Michael's mercenaries now stood in front of the way home and they were talking but she couldn't here them. It felt like she was hearing them through water. Suddenly, she was back in the bunker and Jack was there. He made it! He was really here, in the bunker! But where was Castiel? She took a step towards Jack, but his knees gave way. Then there was blood, spreading over his jacket and all of a sudden it was dripping down the walls. She called out but her voice wouldn't work and _oh god_ he was bleeding out and she couldn't breathe, couldn't breathe…

Eloise woke up with a strangled cry and Jack's name on her lips. It was all her fault.

Jack's eyes snapped open. His own name was still ringing in his ears. Eloise… she had called out to him…and he had heard her. He frowned. How was that even _possible_ in another dimension? He turned to Cas, lying beside him and was surprised to see a mirror of his own shock on his face as he said four quiet words with glassy eyes,

'I can hear _Dean_.'


End file.
